Silent Night
by 7thRaven
Summary: In a night like this, I awoke in the laboratory and had to realize I wasn't human any more..." Hans Günsche's memories in a christmas night (very slightly Hans X Rip)


It's me again... This time, I tried to write a christmas fic. Strange, I know... ;-)

This fic was betaed and edited by seraskelia. Thank you very much !

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Hellsing, the christmas carol "Stille Nacht" or its english version "Silent Night".

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**SILENT NIGHT **

_Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht... _

The tunes of the Christmas carol reach me from far away. Somehow, it's disgusting. Imagine the irony: a troop of one thousand national socialistic vampires is celebrating Christmas. Sometimes I get the feeling of being in the wrong movie, as they say today. Even the Major is in high spirits - although there is no battle to look forward to. He's singing Christmas carols instead, gets on the Doc's nerves and pulls (more or less jocular) at Schrödinger's ears. The only fact missing is that he orders mulled claret-flavoured blood...

Nasty sense of humor ? Me ? No. I don't have sense of humor at all. That's not so difficult if one didn't speak a word for over fifty years. Back then, the Doc diagnosed me with never being able to speak again - my vocal cords were damaged too heavily. But he expected that little "flaw" to be erased when I changed into a vampire. Did it work ? No idea. Since then, I simply didn't try to speak. Why should I ? I follow orders, obey commands. Nobody asks for my opinion.

_Alles schläft, einsam wacht..._

Yes, I'm alone - like always. Even when I stand by the Major's side and listen to his high-sounding, entirely senseless speeches, I'm alone. She has gone away. They've all gone away. And... well... Hans Günsche died a long time ago. He died the day they changed his body to an unnatural, undead creature for the sake of the Tausendjähriges Reich - for Führer, Volk und Vaterland. Everything that still reminded me of that man in myself disappeared when she died. It was hard enough to see how they drove her into madness systematically. But having to witness her being fed to the monster as a mere pawn... It was too much.

_Nur das traute hochheilige Paar_

The Doc and the Major thought it very funny. I'm not really sure that weird laboratory-creep doesn't follow his path to reach his very own aim... I dare to question that he cares about "limitlessly savoring the joy of war". Nevertheless, they are working together perfectly. This unholy pair. Holy... How long has it been since the word lost its meaning to me ?

_Holder Knabe im lockigen Haar _

I remember my childhood. I loved Christmas with all its glamour and its secrets back then.  
This time of the year, it smelled like cinnamon and apples in the whole house. My mother baked lots of cookies and Christstollen together with our housemaid Marianne... Even today, I can see Mother's bright eyes before me and hear her gentle voice like she was softly singing while she worked... Perhaps it was that which attracted me so much about Rip - her laughter and her love of music..

_Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh_

Rest in peace, Rip van Winkle. Wherever you are now - I hope, you're happy there.

_Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh_

_Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht_

In a night like this one, I first met her: A clear night full of stars - much colder, indeed. Back then, I had just been attached to the Major's (at this time still a Lieutenant) unit. They had revealed to me the goals of the project. Instead of being enthusiastic about the chance given to me, the young, aspiring SS-officer, I was shocked; my stomach turned. Not only didn't I like the Lieutenant - I could have lived with that. But the aim to create a battalion of undead... It was contradictory to all of my convictions. If I had known yet what would happen to me, I would have shot myself. No, I wouldn't have. After all, I had to think of my family who would have had to suffer bitterly for my offence...

_Hirten erst kundgemacht _

"Hans Günsche ?" Her surprisingly deep, velvet-like voice set my teeth on edge. "I am Rip van Winkle. The Lieutenant ordered me to acquaint you with the details of the Millennium-project." I saw her garnet eyes behind the round glasses; saw her canines as she smiled at me. And I didn't manage to detest that undead. "You're not enthusiastic... are you ?" "No," I admitted. "But I don't have a choice."

_durch der Engel Hallelujah_

Once again, I did as the Romans do, shouted slogans and told the Lieutenant what he wanted to hear. 'Adapt or die' - a motto that many had learned when it was already too late. I wouldn't be one of them.

_Tönt es laut von fern und nah_

Those slogans are his gospel, his elixir of life. That pitiful little man simply couldn't exist without the admiration of all these brainless creatures, fixed to killing and feeding. It would kill him, the Un-Saviour of the _Letztes Bataillon_. Why didn't I leave him to the boy back then ? Amazing... The Hellsing-organization realized his plans sooner than the most of us. It would have changed so much... But I followed my orders, defended the Lieutenant and paid with my life - literally:  
My life for his undeath...

_Christ, der Retter ist da !_

The Major, our "Commander". Our "saviour." Our curse.

_Christ, der Retter ist da !_

_Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht_

In a night like this, I awoke in the laboratory and had to realize I wasn't human any more. The Doc treated me with a kind of perverted pride. I was his first successful experiment. The first "functioning" artificial vampire... changed through Rip's blood. She screamed and shed bloody tears when she saw me. I couldn't comfort her. What could I have said, by the way? It was on that day when her descent into madness began.

_Gottes Sohn, o wie lacht_

How he laughed, our almighty commander, as they took me to Auschwitz-Birkenau and let me quench my thirst with the prisoners' blood. And the Doc took greatest pleasure in showing off with his incredible scientific success towards Doktor Mengele.

_Lieb aus deinem göttlichen Mund _

Their laughter still echoes in my ears. Just like the screams of the nearly starved, frightened prisoners whose lives I sucked out of their veins.

_da uns schlägt die rettende Stund _

There won't be a deliverance for me. No, I am doomed. We all are doomed. To an existence under him... or to atonement in hell. Could hell be worse than that ?

_Christ, in deiner Geburt _

Look, he created the anti-Christ. Armageddon is here. Now.

_Christ in deiner Geburt _

...I hate Christmas.

_

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__Author's note:_

I found different versions of the english text to "Stille Nacht", but this one is very close to the german meaning.

_Silent night! Holy night!  
All's asleep, one sole light,  
Just the faithful and holy pair,  
Lovely boy-child with curly hair  
Sleep in heavenly peace!  
Sleep in heavenly peace! _

_Silent night! Holy night!  
Sheperds first see the sight.  
Told by angelic Alleluja,  
Sounding everywhere, both near and far  
Christ the Savior is here!  
Christ the Savior is here! _

_Silent night! Holy night!  
God's Son laughs, o how bright.  
Love from your holy lips shines clear,  
As the dawn of salvation draws near,  
Jesus, Lord, with your birth!  
Jesus, Lord, with your birth!_


End file.
